The magic of our community lives in the depth of our presence and the safety of our shared containers. When we experience a sudden, rapid influx of unfamiliar faces, or when guests are dropped into our events without a guide, it can feel jarring and disruptive to the sanctuary we’ve built together. We want to avoid a culture of passive invitation, where the responsibility of welcoming and integrating a newcomer falls on the collective rather than the person who invited them. Because we are a rich, in-person community that values our safety and the specific vibe of our collective containers, we approach growth with a philosophy of intentionality rather than rapid expansion.
To keep our community safe and ensure we continue to thrive, we’ve found that moving with heart-centered intention is key. These are some of the practices we use to help newcomers integrate in a holistic way:
Before You Invite
- Root Yourself First: we highly recommend that you attend community events for 3 to 6 months before inviting someone else. This allows you to truly understand the energy of our shared spaces, and how we move as a collective.
- Heart Circle Foundation: additionally, please attend at least 2 Heart Circles yourself before bringing new folks around. Understanding the vulnerability of our community is a powerful key that will help everyone feel safer when you start to bring a new person around.
- Ask Yourself Why: before extending an invitation, reflect and ask yourself: “Is this person seeking deep, radical connection, or are they just looking for a queer social outing?”
- Invite from Within: the most successful introductions come from existing bonds of trust. Focus your invitations on people you already know and trust deeply (e.g. a close friend, lover, spouse, or partner).
Extending the Invite
- Inform the Host: if you’re bringing a newcomer to an event, inform the host. This allows the host to decide whether a newcomer would be appropriate for their event, and ensures they are prepared to welcome them into the space. Several of our events will flow much easier with this small bit of preparation.
- Practice Active Stewardship: when you bring someone, you are their steward. This means staying present to support their journey, attending the event alongside them, and helping them understand our community’s operations. You should also ensure they’ve reviewed Who Are the Radical Faeries? and the Chicago Radical Faerie Guide.
- Encourage Participation: we are a participatory culture, and recommend that you encourage your newcomer to lean in. Whether that’s helping clean dishes, contributing to potluck, or participating in our rituals – make it clear that our community isn’t a just show to be watched. Many of our deepest friendships were built doing communal tasks together!
- Newcomer Behavior: be open to receiving feedback from other faeries about the behavior of your guest. If your newcomer behaves in a way that is disruptive or disrespectful, it is your responsibility to address it (or gently guide them out). This should not fall on the collective or event host to manage.
- Have a Post-Event Check-in: whether it’s a multi-day gathering, or a short evening event, set aside time to check-in with your guest after the event. High-magic or deep-vulnerability spaces can be a lot to process; being there to support them is a key part of stewardship.
Additional Suggestions
- Avoid the Drop and Walk: a guest should never feel alone, left to navigate the complexities of our community without a guide. We recommend that you join your newcomer at their first 3 – 5 events. Introduce them to the folks you know, explain how we operate, and ensure they feel seen and held as they find their own footing.
- One-at-a-Time: to ensure you can fully support a newcomer’s journey, we recommend that you avoid bringing more than one new face to any single event. This allows you to stay focused on their integration, while also providing space for you to socialize.
Together We Collectively Foster Intentional Growth
As always, follow your intuition and know that these are only guidelines and suggestions. Ultimately it’s your decision on who to bring, when to bring them, and how you will guide them through their first events. We hope this document helps to create a positive atmosphere of support and nurturing compassion for everyone involved.
When we follow this guidance, we do our best to create a space where any new spirit we meet has been thoughtfully invited and lovingly supported. This slow, steady growth allows us to maintain the intimacy that makes our community so vital.